Advice, I guess

This guy who we’ll call “J” is my best friend. I have really strong feelings for him and he likes me a lot too. I’ve been talking to him and hanging out with him for close to 6 months. We go out a couple times a week, I sleep over at his house, we mess around.
He doesn’t want a girlfriend. :smiley24:
I can deal with that I suppose, but it’s frustrating when we’ve had this kind of relationship for so long and I still have to introduce him as “my friend J” or refer to him as my friend.

It isn’t really a big deal, but I don’t understand why he doesn’t want a relationship, but he wants this.

Some history: he had a 2 year on and off girlfriend about a year ago. He doesn’t even talk to her anymore and hasn’t for close to a year. I don’t see how this could have much to do with it, but the first time I told him how I felt about him, he used her as an excuse.

What do you guys think about this? I’d like anyone’s opinion, but especially a male’s opinion because as a female I may not “know how it is”.

ever hear that saying why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Ah. Yeah. :frowning:

sorry thats just my opinion

Yeah it makes a lot of sense.

unfortunately, i have to agree with audra here. :frowning: many of my friends have given me this same advice. i’ve been in your position a handful of times and it’s never, ever easy. especially when you really like the guy. unfortunately, “messing around” with him can also ruin the friendship too. my advice is, either talk to him about it some more, or cut off all “benefits” he’s currently receiving. it’s not fair to you to get strung along like this when he doesn’t expect it to turn into anything more. i just don’t want to see you get hurt. :frowning:

I want to know what you mean exactly by mess around first before I say my opinion

say it anyway…i love contraversy:24:

Well if it’s mess about in a sexual kind of way, yeah, that’s just leading her on. If it’s not,well maybe he just dosent fancy her and wants to just be friends, what’s wrong with that?

I dunno, mess about to me means possibly friends with privlidges??<<so cant spelllllllllllll!!arggh

Mess around… have sex… you know. :stuck_out_tongue: I’m sorry I wasn’t more cleaaar, haha.

I was in the same type of situation and it sucked. The guy didn’t want a relationship but I did. I thought that by sleeping with him he would change his mind. (I was stupid and neive) He never did. After a night of drinking I finally blew up at him. Turns out the real reason he didn’t want a relationship was because I wasn’t good enough for him.

So my advice would be to forget about him. No matter how much you like this guy, he is not worth it. You will feel so much better. I was depressed all the time thru my situation. But now I’m with a really great guy and haven’t seen the other guy in a long time.

Ah, I see, sounds like he just wants a fuck buddy then, if you want more dont let yourself be used and stop shagging him. Dosen’t sound like a good person to get into a relationship with.

I’m sorry but this is your fault you as a lady should not let men treat you like a piece of ass… and before having sex you should tell him that you are not a sex toy and that you want a relationship.
And if you do just want sex at the time do not expect anything else…

sorry just my opinion…

i agree. if you just want a fuck-buddy thats fine. but if you want a real relationship, i’d get someone who does want a relationship.

Audra…Can I post my sign?:ninja

NO!!! you can not post your sign Evan!!!

pouts and stomps out

we blokes dont like relationships, a lot of effort that ends in tears 99.9% of the time.

Sounds like you already have a relationship, it’s just not exclusive. Is that what you’re looking for, exclusivity? Is the guy banging anyone else right now?