Hello again everybody! It seems we have our very first patient! Yes! Another lost soul seeking guidance from the lighthouse of wisdom that is me, in the stormy seas of discontent that is their life!
Well, Tyler, you have asked an age old question that many, many, many people ask. “Who put the lemon in the goat?”…WHOOPS! HAHA! Wrong age old question!
“What does my future hold?” is what you are basically wanting to know. And well you should know your future. You see, when we know our futures it allows us to avoid certain pitfalls. Pitfalls such as giving your credit card number to a prostitute of questionable gender and after a less than stellar performance being forced to choke her/him/it out. Not that I would know anything about that!
But moving on, for all questions regarding the futre, and my tax returns, I like to turn to an old favorite: The Magic Eight Ball ™!
So, let’s see what we can discern about your future Tyler!
shake shake shake…and it says: “You’re not a real doctor, you know.”
Ummm…hmmm…something seems to be wrong with it! HAHA! Let’s try it again!
shake shake shake…and it says: “It’s going to chafe if you keep touching it that much.”
What on earth could it be talking about?! Ummmm…let’s try it one more time, shall we? Let’s shall!
shake shake shake…and it says: “They log your IP address at sites like those.”
Heh heh…uh…oh screw it toss
Well, Tyler, I wish I could answer your question the usual way, but it would seem that I am going to have to do this with tea leaves. So let me just get some tea leaves over here…and…ummm…there’s nothing printed on them…how the hoodehah do people read these things?! OH FORGET IT! toss
Well, Tyler, once again I apologize. I wish I could help you. But if I can’t predict your future maybe I can give you some rules to live by that will guide you and keep you safe from harm.
-Always, always, always make sure that you have the animal’s consent before romance.
-Never assume that just because you can’t afford something, that a friend who’s a fast runner can’t help you out.
-Always leave your in-law’s house on a good note, things such as bumping and grinding your mother-in-law simply will not do. This may or may not apply to your father-in-law…or any pets they may have. Especially birds.
-Never take anything for granted. Except my advice.