Brain Cramps


#1

BRAIN CRAMPS
:tard

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,”

–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.


"Whenever  I watch TV and see those poor starving kids 
all over the world, I  can't help but cry. I mean I'd love 
to be skinny like that, but not  with all those flies and 
death and  stuff."                                   
--Mariah  Carey  

   
```````````` 

"Smoking  kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very 
important part of your life,"
--Brooke  Shields, during an interview to become 
Spokesperson for federal  anti-smoking campaign. 
   

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body,”
–Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward.

   
"Outside  of the killings, Washington  has one of the 
lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor  Marion  Barry, Washington,  DC.
   
````````````````````````````` 

"I'm  not going to have some reporters pawing through 
our papers. We are the president." 
--Hillary  Clinton  commenting on the release of 
   subpoenaed  documents.

   

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
–A congressional candidate in Texas.


"Half  this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny  Ozark
   

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
–Al Gore, Vice President
And .

“We are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not occur.”
–Al Gore, VP


"I love California.  I practically grew up in Phoenix."  

--Dan  Quayle 
   
``````````

"We've  got to pause and ask ourselves: How much 
clean air do we need?"  
--Lee Iacocca  
   
```````````
   
"The  word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A 
genius is a guy like  Norman Einstein."  -
--Joe  Theisman,  NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. 
   

“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people.”
–Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

 

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."  
--Bill Clinton,  President 
   
````````````````
"Traditionally, most of Australia's  imports come 
from overseas."
--Keppel  Enderbery
   
````````````````

"Your  food stamps will be stopped effective 
March 1992 because we received  notice that 
you passed away. May God bless you. You may 
reapply if  there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department  of Social Services, Greenville,  South Carolina
   

“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


#2

AW GODDAMMIT! Now my head hurts… man that stuff works. The first one and the last two do the worst!!! :agree


#3

hahah I was lmao


#4

“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people.”
–Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

:rofl


#5

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
–Al Gore, Vice President
And .

“We are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not occur.”
–Al Gore, VP

:rofl :rofl :rofl

I got to those two… I was rollin. hahaha


#6

“Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”
–Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

now see here, this is why we really wanted to separate from the union… we didnt understand the union’s rules :tard