Honest Santa


#1

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer
yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawn care.
How about I send you a frickin book so you can learn to read and write?
I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa


Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa


Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for

my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can
do? Love Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he’s gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It’s time to give up
that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa
>----------

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a

dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays? I bet you’re gay, I’ll
set you up with a Barbie. Santa
>----------

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left

carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face
when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a
bottle of scotch. Santa
---------
>

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year?  Are you busy

making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where
I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses
while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
>----------
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re
awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible?  Good luck in whatever you do. I'm

skipping your house.
Santa
----------
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn’t work with me. You’re getting a sweater again.
Santa
----------

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our

home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself “Marky”, that’s why you’re getting
your ass whipped at school. Second, you don’t live in a house, you
live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your
pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa


#2

holy shit those are hilarious. i needed a good laugh. i could read those forever. good post bacon :rofl :rofl :rofl


#3

HAHAHA wow too funny


#4

Dearest Santa,
We don’t have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our
home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself “Marky”, that’s why you’re getting
your ass whipped at school
. Second, you don’t live in a house, you
live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your
pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

is the best one


#5

lol, i can picture some santa impersonator saying that shit when kids get their pics taken at the mall :rofl


#6

This one is funny as well:


#7

LOL that was even better!


#8

hahaha lil jonny strikes again