A man comes into the ER and yells “My wife’s
going to have her baby in the cab!”
The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out
to the cab, lifts the lady’s dress, and begins
to take off her underwear. Suddenly he notices
that there are several cabs, and he’s in the
A nurse at the beginning of the shift places
her stethoscope on an elderly and slightly
deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.
“Big breaths,” instructed the nurse.
“Yes, they used to be,” remorsed the patient.
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news
when I told a wife that her husband had
died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not
more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a “massive internal fart.”
I was performing a complete physical,
including the visual acuity test. I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart
and began, “Cover your right eye with your
hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
“Now your left.” Again, a flawless read.
“Now both,” I requested. There was silence
He couldn’t even read the large E on the top
line. I turned and discovered that he had
done exactly what I had asked; he was
standing there with both his eyes
covered. I was laughing too hard to finish
A nurses’ aide was helping a patient into the
bathroom when the patient exclaimed," You’re
not coming in here with me. This is a one-seater."
During a patient’s two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed his doctor that he was having
trouble with one of his medications.
“Which one?”, asked the doctor. “The patch.”
The nurse told me to put on a
new one every six hours and now I’m running
out of places to put it!" The
doctor had him quickly undress and discovered
what he hoped he wouldn’t
see…Yes, the man had over fifty patches on
his body! Now the instructions
include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.
While acquainting myself with a new elderly
patient, I asked, “How long have
you been bedridden?” After a look of complete
confusion she answered, “Why,
not for about twenty years – when my husband
And of course, the best is saved for last…
A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky
asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?”
“It’s very good, except for
the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem
to get used to the taste,” the patient
replied. The nurse asked to see the
jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled “KY Jelly.”
:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl