NON-Religions Jokes....just for you Saleen! LoL!


#1

How about some not so religious jokes for Saleen : )

An old Cajun applies for a construction job but the
foreman doesn’t want to hire him. So he gives him a
little test: “Here’s your first question,” the foreman said.
“Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”

“Without numbers?” the Cajun says. “Dat is easy,” and
proceeds to draw three trees.

“What’s this?” the boss asks.

“'Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,” says the Cajun.

“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here is your second question.
Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”

The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up
the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge
on each tree. “'Ere you go.”

The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth
do you get that to represent 99?”

“Each of da trees is dirty now! So it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and
dirty tree. Dat is 99!”

The boss is getting worried he’s going to have to hire
this Cajun, so he says, “All right, last question.
Same rules again, but represent the number 100.”

The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks
up the picture again and makes a little mark at the
base of each tree, and says, “Ere you go. One hundred.”

The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if
you think that represents a hundred!”

The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the
base of each tree, and says, “A little dog come along
and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a
turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a
turd, which make one hundred… So when I start?”


Grandpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight, when Grandpa
found a bottle of Viagra in his son’s medicine cabinet. He asked the
son about using one of the pills, and the son said, “I don’t think you
should take one, they’re very strong and very expensive.”
“How much?” asked Grandpa.
“$10.00 a pill,” answered the son.
“I don’t care,” said Grandpa, “I’d like to try one, and I’ll leave
the money under your pillow as soon as I break this $50.00 bill.”
The next morning the son found $110.00 under his pillow. He said
to Grandpa, “I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00.”
“I know,” said Grandpa. “The hundred is from Grandma!”


Oh wait…I lied…this is religious…but so funny!! LoL
Bible Salesman

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles.

Coincidentally, by chance, while checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The minister knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about Louie. Louie was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor little Louis stuttered very badly. But, not wanting to discourage poor Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles and asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Peter, “Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?”

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, " using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here’s the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."

“Fine job, Peter!” The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. “You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you.” Turning to Paul, he asked “And Paul, how many bibles did you manage to sell for the church last week?”

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied," I am a professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here’s $280 I collected."

The minister responded, “That’s absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you.”

Apprehensively, the minister turned to little Louie and said, “And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?”

Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The reverend opened it and counted the contents. “What is this?” the minister exclaimed. "Louie, there’s $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?

Louie just nodded.

That’s impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. “We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could.”

“Yes, this does seem unlikely,” the minister agreed. “I think you’d better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie.”

Louie shrugged. “I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don’t kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure,” he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. “For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!”

“A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,” Louis replied, “W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible
f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks —o-o-o-or— wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to
y-y-you?”


#2

dirty tree and a turd huh…LoL


#3

:rofl


#4

:rofl :rofl :rofl


#5

Haha funny jokes mang :booze


#6

since the third one had religion in it, and you tried to make it a non religious joke post, ill add a joke thats similar to that one but with no bibles :slight_smile:

im bad at telling jokes though, so bear with me as i type.

so johnny has a speech impediment, and he needs a job. he interviews at toothbrush factory for a sales position. the boss is skeptical about hiring johnny because he feels that the lisp will keep him from being able to sell any tooth brushes. johnny is confident, however, and convinces the boss to give him a job on the condition that if he cant make a quota in the first few days, he will lose the job.

so on the first day, johnny goes out and tries hard to sell. at the end of the day, the boss asks him how he did. johnny tells him that he sold 12 toothbrushes!.. the boss thinks to himself “a whole day, and he sold 12 measly toothbrushes? this guy has no chance”. He tells johnny “boy, you better do better next time becasue 12 a day isnt gonna cut it.”

so the second day johnny goes out, but only manages to sell 17 brushes. the boss is just as perturbed at the end of the day and tells johnny “bud, you got one more day to prove yourself - otherwise your gone”

the next day, the boss goes out for lunch and is surprsied to see johnny outside, surrounded by customers buying every toothbrush in sight. the boss asks him how he is doing, and johnny responds “hey boss! i sold 156 brushes so far, and ive only been out here for half an hour!”.
astounded, the boss begins to walk away when he notices the table of free promotional brownies behind johnny. johnny offers the boss a brownie and the boss take a big bite, before he gags… “what is this johnny?? it tastes like shit!!”.

to which johnny responds - "it is… wanna buy a toothbrush?? :slight_smile: "


#7

:funnah :rofl


#8

:smiley: glad you like it.


#9

Hum :dunno :dunno


#10

You don’t get the joke T?


#11

what do you call a black guy who flies a plane for a living?

a pilot, you fucking racist :smiley:


#12

:funnah LOL I heard that yesterday, most people were sitting there thinking about it…hahaha


#13

:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :funnah :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl


#14

aww we have a joke thread… :banana


#15

Yea Matt you started a joke thread a week ago what happened to it this one is lame :dunno :dunno


#16

i have a few saved up, youll see


#17

Thats Good :lol