Resisting Change

Matt and I have been having… shall I say… “issues” lately, because of the idea of change.

I want it to happen, he is digging his heels in and refusing to budge.

Now, I understand that he doesn’t like changes in the way I spice food, let alone major shifts in our lives. But there are times when change is absolutely necessary, and resisting it is just going to make a bigger issue than the change itself.

This needs to happen, and he knows that. I just can’t understand why he’s refusing to let it happen despite the necessity. It is driving me all kinds of crazy and upset.

Anyway. Any ideas on how I should kick his ass?

[quote=“andcuriouser, post: 319479”]Matt and I have been having… shall I say… “issues” lately, because of the idea of change.

I want it to happen, he is digging his heels in and refusing to budge.

Now, I understand that he doesn’t like changes in the way I spice food, let alone major shifts in our lives. But there are times when change is absolutely necessary, and resisting it is just going to make a bigger issue than the change itself.

This needs to happen, and he knows that. I just can’t understand why he’s refusing to let it happen despite the necessity. It is driving me all kinds of crazy and upset.

Anyway. Any ideas on how I should kick his ass?[/quote]

something new and unique, it’s a new era of change.

hmmmm i might be of more help if i knew what exactly we were trying to change here…

what’s changing? I just say put your foot down. You and him means 50/50. I’m sure that you do things for him that you don’t really enjoy, but you do it b/c you love him. He should be able to do the same for you.

Aww Le Luv,

Its hard to say Why he is Resisting the Change… Hint hint…

Maybe there is something deeper then just resisting the Change, maybe it has more to do with WHY is he resisting it.

And I guess for him well for both of you, It is a big change, attitudes and feelings although maybe in agreement with some of it, still can not just change over night…

Even understanding cant erase the fears tha come from change, we all have our comfort zone.

Maybe for as much as he needs to understand why this change is so important to you on the deepest level, you need to sit down and understand why this change is a fear for him on the deepest level.

Get beyond the obvious arguments… go to the Root Luv.

Leland, what you are going through is a difficult but necessary process for you…YOU know you need it…but the change involves you more than him, so that is why he is resisting…kinda like that whole “if it aint broke dont fix it!” saying. He will never be you and he will never understand what you feel and why you feel it and how much this change…or lack of change so far…is affecting you. I can kind of see both points of view here, the change is scary for him, and maybe he is secretly afraid of not liking the outcome of it, but doesn’t want to admit it?? He probably feels secure in how things are now…hmm i dunno what else to say, sorry i had to jet earlier my mom wanted to talk to me so i got tied up. AIM me if you wanna talk more!

Silent and Clare, thank you. You’re beyond right.

But I’m also beyond frustrated right now. I need to kick him in the mouth.

Man is everyone changing or not changing at the same second! geez but …hmm ok I got no advice to this or

Maybe there is a reason he’s frightened of change. Trying to talk abou his past experiences, maybe with a counceller might help. I personally find change, even in little things extremely hard due to my damn aspurgers syndrome.:frowning:

Yeah, Matt has definitely had several instances where I’ve been driven to tearing my hair out because he’s so adverse to change. His divorce only took a million years because of him dragging his feet.

This one just pisses me off especially. Bleh.

Changing is scary and even more for some people. It is natural to resist it as long as it’s possible, but we all know we need to accept it one day. I think he will if it’s necessary and even more if you don’t presure him.

Well, I think I know what you are talking about, Lel, to a point…

I also would feel like you, if it is what I think you are talking about re Matt not changing.

Have you talked to him about it to see what he is feeling as to why he feels he doesn’t want things to change? That’s not saying that if you do, you would then understand perfectly, but it is more difficult to even begin to try and understand if it hasn’t been explained to you at all.

However, you and Matt are a lovely cpl and you both have strong, intelligent thoughts on many topics. I think you will both be able to work out whatever it is soon enough and be able to compramise somehow.

Take care.

:slight_smile: