The 2004 darwin awards


#1

THE 2004 DARWIN AWARDS

Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It’s an annual
honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by
killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died
of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6’ 2" tall and
weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
white saddle shoes and a woman’s wig. It appeared that he was trying to
create a schoolgirl’s uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas
mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in
its place. The other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons
unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of
explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
(Damn it…I want pictures!!!)

  • A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
    tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad
    trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,
    taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot,
    anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and
    hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
    investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby.
    “The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance
    between the trestle and the ground,” Carmichael said. Police say the
    apparent cause of death was “Major trauma.”

  • Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
    of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
    extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
    After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
    company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the
    lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
    technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
    resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
    object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to
    three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter
    was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of
    causing the blast had never been thought of as ‘bright’ by his peers.

…AND THE WINNER OF THE 2004 DARWIN AWARD SHOULD BE…

Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez
tried to wash his own “balls” in a ball washer at the local golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez
managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the
machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by
spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez’s scrotum in place, thus
wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch.
Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a
foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance,
and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez’s scrotum was ripped open
during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and
remained in the washer, while the other testicle was compressed and
flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the
rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new
$300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using
to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and
the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

NOTE: This last one wouldn’t normally count, because the idiot didn’t
die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act
of stupidity, we have allowed it.


#2

That first guy is an idiot! Thats funny. After reading that last one my bals hurt :tard Sucks to be that guy. What were all his friends wanting to see his balls in the ball washer for :gay Gawd that must have hurt… :o


#3

ouch :barf


#4

Hey i posted this on MF a while back…still funny though :rofl


#5

Re: RE: THE 2004 DARWIN AWARDS

yes you did and I’m going to make the same joke now that I made then…

Ready?

OK, here goes…

Wow, and I used to think I was having a bad golf game when I lost 2 balls.

anyone? :tard


#6

hell yea! I been waitin for these all year :banana

edit I just noticed this was last years! boooooo!


#7

your an animal mike it was funny then and still now…ba da bump


#8

What do you call a redneck virgin?

A girl that can out run her brothers. :rofl


#9

how do you castrate a redneck?

punch his siter in the mouth :rofl


#10

bacon… wtf is your sig lol… :dunno


#11

its vanilla drivin it teh 5 oh


#12

don’t hate vanilla and the 5.0


#13

The first guy with the hose running from his rectum ino the gas mask…
I just dont get it. Was he trying to smell his farts or what?

The guy with the golf ball waher thing is funnah.
Thers a joke going around about Tiger woods.
lets see The story goes like this:
Tiger woods was getting ready to tee off but some dumbass asked him what was that he stuck into the ground.
Tiger said its a tee.
The dummy askes, whats the tee for?
Tiger says its where I rest my balls before I drive.
The guy then replys, Wow Buick thinks of everything don they.

Wah wah wah wah :funnah


#14

I need to buy the book. I was reading through it a few weeks back at work, everyone was staring at me while I was laughing uncontrollably at what some of these fucking retards will try to do.


#15

Mikey your a Nut :banana :banana :smiley: