The year santa died


#1

I don’t know why I chose that to be the title of the thread, but this is a synopsis of one of the strangest times of my life.

I haven’t had a lot of time to visit the board lately
And yes in some part this is a pity party… and in other parts a pat on the back to myself for some good things that have gone my way
I am having a time of very HIGH ups and super low DOWNS

first the downs
I “have” to work tomorrow for 10 hours
I have in “” cause I could always just quit or let them fire me

I am still getting over a nasty break up that occured only a couple of days ago… It was only a 4 and 1/2 year relationship
and only thought it was the girl I was going to marry, ect
Still feeling weird about it… like should I do the thing where I try to define all odds and try to win her back, or just let it slide
On the movie where the kid camps out in front of the girl of his dream’s house is cute and nice… but lets face it in real life he is getting taken away in a straight jacket in no time

Pride isn’t stopping me… I just don’t have any left and I really wouldn’t give a flying fuck if someone was like, “man that guy is pathetic” ect
I just don’t know how I would react if it didn’t work and have no clue if there is anything I could do anyways that would make a difference.

All I can do is drag myself from one task to any other til I get to lay back down… and then I feel like someone has stabbed one of those vending machine spirals into my chest then spins it til my insides start sliding out…
btw did I meantion I have been having some fucked up dreams lately?

also christmas as been somewhat sad this year, gift cards and cash…
Don’t get me wrong i am very happy to get anything at all… but I am very open and direct with things that I would like… that even cost less than the amount of money/gift cards I get… and I have always been vocal about my dislike of gift cards and explained I would rather have something that I really don’t want if it from the heart than a gift card… its one of the things that has made me like christmas less and less thru the years… but that is just my pet peeve…

and everyone asking “where is soandso?” has been less than thrilling, and the one time I am talking to a friend about it the day after it all happened
I was saying something about her, and then the neighbor friend who I was telling bust out with a story about how she hates her mom… which pissed me off
then I say something like “What sucks the most is that it has been very hard to find someone who intrigues me on a physical level, but more importantly an intellectual level” only to have her stop me mid sentence and say something like, I am not that bright I barely made it thru school bhal blah…
I was distugsted that with all my listening… from all the time I have known these people the one time I have a problem and actually am willing to talk about it, which is like less than once a year
everyone still turns things around to make the conversation about them and their shit
I was seriously just like “ugh” like there was a bad taste in my mouth when all that happened I got up and left

Oh ya on a minor note… my tolerance to alcohol some how for some reason just sky rocketed out of no where. I prefer it when i can just drink a little then I am toasty… that is awesome
but the other night I was a little get together and we were drinking and I drank SOO much Vodka and I never felt it… I drank until I actually felt full… like after eating but I was not drunk at all. (sometimes for like 5 mins would start to feel light headed or whatever, but I just kept snapping out of it) It was really weird, and I really did want to get drunk.

and now the UPs

I will have a new job in the next few weeks that will be a hell of an increase in pay… more than double, atleast double
and it is also very close to my house like my current job
I got my 62inch TV that rocks the house (little christmas present for myself) I really do like it so much

I completely stopped smoking… One day like 2-3 weeks ago I had a cigerette in my hand and I was going to go outside to smoke… but wanted to read something on my comp first. I read what I wanted then just stared at the cig for like 2 mins getting more and more distgusted with it the more I looked at it
and I thought about my elderly co-worker that smokes, and she just smells HORRIBLE… not for any other reason than the smoke… and I have been around smokers my whole life, but gross
and her voice AHHH just kills me… I am just waiting for her to hack up the frog size lump of flem in her throat… (i gag a lil just thinking about it) but anyways
I just looked at the cigerette then finally said “Gross, I don’t even like smoking anymore” put it back in the box incase I changed my mind
then a week later I realized I hadn’t had one… then had sex and wanted one to see if it would be good like in the movies when the two non smokers light up… IT was soo gross I was gagging and not from the smoke or anything like when you smoke too fast… it was the actual taste… I have no idea how i have been doing it all these years…
the funny is I never meantioned it to anyone… I just didn’t think about it, and the few times I did I just didn’t want to set myself up to look like someone who says they are going to stop and then “can’t” I personally think that is sad… and to be honest if I didn’t feel grossed out by smoking and still wanted to do it, I would… then someone asked me if i wanted to step outside with them to have a smoke and I was like, I haven’t had a smoke in two weeks. Everyone had shocked looks on their faces
now I get questioned how I stopped a lot at work and at home… apparently people just don’t stop anymore.

My dad is selling his house and I am going to buy it
and get a hell of a discount, and I LOVE that house I helped to design the rooms, ect
It has high ceilings like I want, the master bedroom is Legendary with its size and closet space
Oh and he takes SUCH awesome care of the place… he added storm doors, and seep hose system to help the foundation from future problems, and so much more… it is soo awesome

the living room is more than big enough to play ping pong, ect and can set up my TV’s and xboxs for Halo party night
OH and most important of all NO ROOMates
I don’t hate my roomates or anything but AHHHHHHHH if another alarm clock goes off when no one is sleeping in their room I might just lose it and start putting heads on pikes…
I’ve already got some pikes at home depot with one of my gift cards…

speaking of another UP awesome co workers who come over once a week to play our ongoing game of risk
or when one of them can’t make it Halo on 2 tv’s at my current house that is infested with roommates

Owning my own home before 30 is going to ROCK the house…

all I need then is the wife and kid / kids and I will be set…

has anyone seen How I met you mom
btw my new fav show, but I feel like the guy

I am ready for a commitment, and just less than a year ago I thought a commitment was the mark of DOOM… in just a couple of years barring I do something stupid to myself… or something happens to me I will have the house all taken care of
and it is the house of my dreams…
Need to find the woman of my dreams and I am set… problem is this new job is going to such up SOO much of my free time I don’t know how I am going to meet anyone…

One thing I thought of in passing while considering this new job was how it is awesome I already have someone, and in this great relationship Cause it is going to be next to impossible to meet someone otherwise…

I am not saying I am going to give up or anything… I know crazy stuff can happen and you could just go grocery shopping and strike up a conversation with some attractive girl in the cereal isle and she make some cute comment cause you are getting cookie crisp when at your age you should be getting something like nut & honey/some other healthy cereal and you comment that maybe she should mind her own damn business… then you have a serious and silent moment then BAMM you are both laughing hysterically, then on your way to an awesome relationship
yeah I actually think these sort of scenarioes out… btw I know… its very, very sad

anyways, short of some chance meeting like the one meantioned above I have no idea how I am going to get into another relationship…
also it was only maybe a week ago me and my ex got “busy” and I know there is like no chance anything could have happened but I know me… and my damn luck…
I also know her, and her lack of ever wanting kids… and my inability to ever agree to her having an abortion/whatever if I do get a choice in the matter…

again like always the chance are extremely remote… but again my mind doesn’t always listen when I am trying to put something out of thought

Well there you have it, going to sleep and face the music again tomorrow


#2

um… this looks like a really good post… but for right now it’s entirely too long to keep my attention at 5 in the morning… so I’ll read it tomorrow… after I’ve slept for 12 hours.


#3

:agree


#4

Re: RE: The year santa died…

Well I just got 12 hours of sleep, for the first time in the last 4 FUCKING WEEKS! I’m ok…

Anyway, I feel for ya man. My has recently figured out how stupid she has always been saying so many negative things about both me and my brother that never even had the slightest possibility of being true. He’s going to finish college before the age of 25 and start an impressive salary of well over $60000 a year, which is 3 times as much my parents make together. So yeah, he’s off and he won’t really care about his mom as much as I would because it’s our dad who has been supporting us forever now. Well sure, she’s been cooking and cleaning - but we’ll get our own wives for that one day (haha, no pun intended). Our dad has sworn to keep us going with his own money until one day we start with a capable life of our own. All of the problems, which were never problems in the first place, that our mom has made up are finally over with and all we have to do now is wait. Then we’ll show who are the bosses around here. For example, just now she told me to get my laptop off my groin because it causes “radiation”. What a dumb ass. Well I’d love to nag about this for on and on, but I’ve done it way too many times with others and they’ve pretty much had enough of it.

Good luck with whatever it is you’d like to do and stop having bad dreams. :wtf


#5

Umm no offence ryum but this shit is too long.


#6

i read through the post and all. sounds like you are in between some highs and lows right now. i would say you are more on the highs from reading that post. you might get a new job, new house, better physical condition: this all equals a better future. at least you aren’t downsizing, getting laid off, starting to smoke… if you need friends to talk to sometimes i know how that feels. about 3x a year i open up to this one friend i have and we arent really close friends, but we are always there for each other. thinking about this situation makes me feel for ya man. just look at everything optimistically and you should be fine. time will work things out and if you feel bad about part of your life or something now, start a new hobby or something to take your focus off of it. if you play halo2 on xbox live, we could play some sometime. my hobbies are my car, xbox live, and just hanging out with friends. when i dont feel like hanging out with my friends (i am introverted), i just buy something for my car to work on, or i play halo2 or something. so far, my primary stress relief- halo2 works awesome. i hardly ever feel down anymore. i get all my anxiety and stress out on halo2 :smiley:


#7

What is it with all these nerd conventions? My neighbor has Halo parties on the weekends, but dammit I don’t complain with all the hot, single soldiers going in and out. Woo! Gettin’ all worked up just thinkin’ about it.

On another note, Nut & Honey over Cookie Crisp? Pfft. Please. I’ll take 2 bowls, thanks.


#8

nah, 2 bowls of cocoa roos :banana

ryum, i hope everything works out with the house purchase. it’ll make you feel better :cool


#9

I am not trying to be rude or short with anyone, but if you can’t take the time to read the whole situation as explained how you can expect yourself to be able to give any advice or anything that is sincere or accurate to any degree

And again I want to reiterate this is not directed at anyone in particular but it is already hard enough to understand any situation that you hear or read about because the paramount detail or details that are left out due to laziness, or convenience whether it is self serving or not.

I could be completely wrong and making a fool out of myself, but people that are asking for a shorter version only come off to me like people in real life that when you are deep into a conversation and you realize they are not listening to a damn thing you are saying but are instead just waiting for you to stop so they can start talking again.
/rant off hehe Damn I am long winded.

On topic I did my second interview… Nailed it. I turn in my 2 weeks notice at my current job in the next couple of days.
I also drank heavily tonight and watched the 40 yr old virgin
the movie rocked, the booze did nothing
I am giving up drinking… I used to like it, but now it is just a waste.
and that is probably for the best considering my new job requirements.
Also started writing a letter to my current ex… I just want to put everything in there… leave nothing unsaid and try to be as honest as possible and just send it off and let it go.

I would post the letter but the amount of text involved would crash the site… that and there’s some personal shit in there lol