Ok so I ran into some dilemma here.
I lost all my jobs. I’m temping for my dad. He offered me a full time lead tech position, I didn’t think I could fill the build so I declined and wanted to look for something else.
Instantly they turned to each other and started hitting the apps for a new tech. I felt kinda crushed, but it was my own doing that made me feel that way.
Now I’m not so sure that I don’t want to do that… My mom keeps questioning me as to why not… and I seem to only have childish responses like “I don’t think I can do it” or “I can’t be like my brother”.
Well it turns out my brother wasn’t always as good as he was. He almost always called my dad (who he’s aptly named Beavis), and he needed tech support more than I imagined.
So why can’t I do it? I mean… I was on this job for two years and now another three weeks. I know how to do it, I know what I need to do to succeed in doing it… and now what? I’m left third guessing my own inadequacies.
I dunno. It hit me this morning that I liked going in to see my brother and father everyday. This morning all three of us were sitting in my dads office smoking a cigarette, drinking coffee and bullshitting in our OTS shirts. It made me feel at home, somewhat at peace. I haven’t felt at peace for almost a year and a half now… ever since I quit working for my dad.
(holy shit… that revelation JUST hit me, like as I typed it)
Un-fucking-believable, honestly… why couldn’t I be a lead tech? Granted I’m not necesarily a people person, I’m not too keen on detecting sarcasm, and on the other hand I’m not keen on detecting a serious tone. But the job opportunity is there, and all I need to do is fill in the gaps on what I’ve missed out on over the past year and a half.
Programming isn’t that hard. Learning the tricks of the trade isn’t that hard. The wiring and manual labor is FUN, not to mention educational.
I dunno. I still have my own aspirations, and I still want to be a mechanic and open my own shop. But I also want to stay and help my dad realize his dream of family ownership since 1994… even after he’s done with his rule.
I need some opinions here. Ask me some questions. Especially Booze, Chris, My man… you’ve been especially helpful with this sort of thing in the past. Any advice you could offer from the opposite end of this spectrum?