This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, who has ever lived in
Atlanta, has visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who
Atlanta, knows anyone who has ever visited Atlanta or anyone who has ever
heard of Atlanta, Georgia. Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets.
The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over
when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
All directions start with, “Go down Peachtree” and include the phrase,
“When you see the Waffle House.” Except that in Cobb County, all directions
begin with, “Go to the Big Chicken and.” Peachtree Street has no beginning
and no end and is not to be confused with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree Place,
Peachtree Lane, Peachtree Road, Peachtree Parkway, Peachtree Run, Peachtree
Trace, Peachtree Ave, Peachtree Commons, Peachtree Battle, Peachtree
Corners, New Peachtree, Old Peachtree, West Peachtree, Peachtree-Dunwoody,
Peachtree-Chamblee, or Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone
for directions they will always send you down Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. That’s all we drink here, so don’t ask for
any other soft drink unless it’s made by Coca-Cola. And even then it’s still
“Coke.” A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola, or pop… it’s a Coke,
regardless of brand or flavor. Example: “What kinda coke you want?”
Gate One at Atlanta’s Hartsfield/Jackson International Airport is 32 miles away from
the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
It’s impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started
on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a “scenic drive” and has posted signs
to that effect, so that out-of-towners don’t feel lost… they’re just on a
scenic drive." The 8:00 AM rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The 5:00 PM
rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday
afternoon, and lasts through 2:00 AM Saturday.
“Sir” and “Ma’am” are used by the person speaking to you if there’s a remote
possibility that you’re at least 30 minutes older than they are. A native
can only pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue one way, so do not attempt the
Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and
stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is “pahnss duh LEE-on”
The fall of raindrop makes everyone forget all traffic rules. If a single
snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days, and it’s on all the
TV channels and radio stations as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month.
All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water,
toilet paper, andbeer. If there is a remote chance of snow, and if it does
snow, people will be on the corner selling “I survived the blizzard”
tee-shirts, not to mention the fact that all schools will close at the
slightest possible chance of snow. The pollen count is off the national
scale for unhealthy, which starts at 120. Atlanta is usually in the 2,000
to 4,000 range. All roads, vehicles, houses - everything - is yellow from
March 28th to July 15th. If you have any allergies, you will die. But other
than that, it’s a great place to live!
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia. There are
10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a couple no one’s
ever seen before. “Onced” and “Twiced” are actual words.
It is not a shopping cart, it’s a buggy.
There ain’t no such thing as “lunch.” There’s only dinner - and, then, there
‘Jeetyet?’ is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat yet?”
You install security lights on your house and garage - and then leave both
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but need
6 pages for local gossip and sports.
You know whether another Georgian is from north Georgia, south Georgia or
middle Georgia as soon as they open their mouth (Albany = All benny).
Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start
drinking it when you’re 2. If you understand these jokes, forward them to
your friends from GA (and those who just wish they were.)
It is all so true. I have spent my whole life here. We were also told when given
directions to “turn right at the Red light” I always wondered what I should
do if the light was green!
(I stole this from someone on MySpace. It made my jollies skyrocket.)