What do I say?

So the situation has come to a head and I need some good strong points to back my side up. I am very ready for the roommate to be gone…Our wedding is in less than 2 months, and I do not want him here then. This arrangement was never intended to be long term, and our original plan was that he was to move out by the time we got married. Now he and my roommate are acting like we NEVER agreed to such terms…Last night I finally got my fiance to tell him he had to be out by August, which I GUESS is reasonable, but really not too cool with me. Because I know flat out what is going to happen…he will be here still with NO job, and NO place to go, and Matt feels too guilty to just kick him out with no place to go…so the leeching will continue. I have seriously thought about getting my own place until he leaves, that is how bad it is. He can’t do ANYTHING right, and Matt coddles him…yet if I screw something up on accident, I get bitched at…because Matt has “higher expectations” for me. I am just so sick of this…my bad judgement tells me to go down to the leasing office and report him for living here illegally (he isn’t listed as a resident) but I am not sure if they’d do anything…I just feel like I am out of control in this situation and I hate it. Also I have trouble keeping my cool when I’m trying to explain how I feel, because no one else understands and it pisses me off…I can’t stand bums, especially living under my roof with no ambition…especially one that can’t do simple chores I ask them to…and using “I’m busy” as an excuse!!! This fool doesn’t know what BUSY is. So what do I do?

print this and hand it to matt

meh ive already told matt everything i wrote here last night while we were arguing. sigh

well during an arguement emotions get raised and the real message isnt always heard.

I agree with Aliprint this and show him.Because when you argue you tend to hear only half of what is being yelled at you. :slight_smile: I hope everything works itself out.

i guess. it was an argument, but it turned into a calm talk and i told him all this. but grrr gdmt i just want MY way in this situation. im being stubborn.

did you try my suggestions in the last thread about this?

no but i think im going to. I’m not working anymore so I guess it isn’t fair that he does everyone’s dishes every night. Plus, I just got some really nice new stoneware and I’d rather wash them myself, I am super picky and anal about dishes being CLEAN. For the past 3 days I have been cleaning like CRAZY, I meean gettin down on the ground and scrubbing and reorganizing drawers and cabinets and everything…I didn’t make a chart or whatever, but since Sunday I have been a NEAT freak. I think honestly I’d just rather do everything myself and just have him help out whenever I am not able to do it because I have a test, or a job interview, or whatever. I know I probably am not being fair to Billy, and now that I have really thought about it, I’m thinking maybe I am really more upset at Matt than Billy, and I take it out on Billy. I feel like sometimes Matt puts him above me, and it really makes me mad. He always goes back to the fact that “if it weren’t for Billy, we’d still be living in the ghetto and we wouldn’t have all the stuff we have now.” In a round about way that is true. 3 years ago Matt and billy got pulled over, and searched. They had just gone and bought a blunt from some dude, and they got stung…Billy had the blunt in his pocket, but Matt paid for it…Billy took the hit for it and said it was his, and went to jail. So Matt feels like he will never be able to pay him back for that, because with a marijuana charge on his record matt wouldn’t have been able to get the job he has now. Don’t get me wrong, I know Billy did a loyal thing when he did that…but there is a difference between repaying someone’s loyalty and enabling them to do nothing for rest of their life. By letting Billy live here, Matt is doing nothing but just prolonging his laziness…he says now that he doesn’t want to get a job because then the governenment would pay him less every month for disability…well if he actually worked he could make at least twice what he gets in disability a month. And it’s not that he is too disabled to work, he is perfectly capable of it. I’m just so sick of his “woe is me, I can never do anything because I’m blind” attitude. He actually has an advantage over normal people, he can go to college COMPLETELY free, the commission for the blind pays for it…and he can also get these special glasses, that cost like $2,000 for FREE. He just doesn’t take advantage of all of this stuff and it drives me nuts.

Whatever you do don’t report him for living there illegally, you will be the one who gets taken to court and fined, at least thats how it works over here. If it’s making you that unhappy you really need to give Matt an ultimatum, him or me! If he can’t do that something is wrong because if you love your girlfriend she should always come first!

I kind of did…and he agreed that billy would be out by the end of August…I am too nice too, I can’t just kick him out on his ass with no notice, he doesnt have any family or anywhere to go…I WANT him to have a place to go, but he NEEDS to start making some progress or I know he will jsut be here forever, he needs to understand he isn’t on an indefinite time limit here…he doesn’t seem to get it… Instead of playing video games in his room all day he needs to be out lookin for a job so he can at least save some money to move out. I think I might have found him a place at my friend dan’s house, they get along pretty good, and dan lives right next to a school so billy could go to school, and his old job is right there too, where he could for sure go back and work at. I just don’t see how someone can be happy wiht themselves when they have nothing to show for their life. I think another thing that pisses me off is that Matt is quick to jump down my throat if I forget to do something I am supposed to, or accidently burn food, etc…and when billy fucks shit up (ALL the time), Matt says it’s ok…he says he has higher expectations for me…I don’t think that is really fair. Then when we get in arguments about it, and I tell matt I don’t like that billy doesn’t do anything with his life, Matt says the SAME shit about ME! WTF! I’m in school…I have had several jobs…I am currently looking for another job…and at least I make an effort. Also, as soon as I finish school and start working matt is planning on going back to school…he told me last night that he knows that will never happen, that I will never finish and that I can’t keep a job…and jsut a bunch of really degrading shit. THE REASON I push myself to make straight A’s is to prove everyone wrong. Yeah I fucked my life up a while back and dind’t do shit, and I was kind of like billy…maybe that’s why it bothers me so much…but I don’t understand why its OK for him to do that…yet when I was doing that I never stopped hearing from everyone what a loser I was and that I’d never go anywhere…Well now I am, and I am expected to let someone else in my HOUSE do the same thing? Maybe I’m a fucking hypocrit. I’m so confused about my emotions right now I don’t even know if I’m in the right or not.

Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind. Maybe you should get the ads for places to rent out of the paper, sit him down and insist he gets phoning them. If he dosen’t agree to that then sorry but it’s his fault and you have nothing to feel guilty about, you tried.:slight_smile:

thanks so much peter for your advice :smiley: I know I’m fuckin crazy and its nice that at least someone still responds to my crazy posts in this forum :-p

You are going to marry this guy? Oy girl… He says degrading things to you?
Regardless tho… the roommate/best friend is not you. You 2 are in a different relationship than the roomie and fiance. Face the things he says to you without dragging the roomie into it. He has nothing to do with the situation between you 2. He probably doesnt think its his place to bitch at the roomie.

I love him…and while I wouldn’t normally let anyone say certain things to me, this man is special to me and I know he has some personal issues…I was put in his life for a reason, and he has grown by leaps and bounds since we’ve gotten together. So yeah, I am going to marry this man. We all have our flaws.

agreed

I think I have to be missing something here. (Sorry, I don’t normally frequent the relationships boards) Did you say this guy was blind, but sits on his ass all day playing video games? :confused I don’t see how those two things go together…

That sounds bad ass and everything, but are you saying that you’re marrying him with the expectation that he is going to be changing?

I know it’s a big joke these days and all, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard a girl say it before.

People don’t change for other people. People only change for themselves. It can happen that a person realizes one day that they really are hurting this person, and it can dawn on them that they are in love, and at that time they may want to start changing, but it’s still in the end a personal, very “me oriented” choice. I recomend you guys take a step back and assess your situation. If he’s not the man you want to marry TODAY, then don’t get married. If you love him and are willing to wait for him to change, then wait until he does, and then marry the man he becomes.

It’s not fair to either party to get married before you’re ready. The first year of marriage is hard enough without these added frustrations.

(I know it’s none of my business, so my advice is only worth what you paid for it.)