What do you do?

I asked my husband last week of he thought I was unattractive or found me ugly since he never wants to have sex with me and I see that 99% of the nights that Im at work he is looking at porn. He answered me back with that I dont turn him on anymore so he resorts to looking at porn cause he still has urges. He told me that at least he’s not cheating on me ( I guess thats a plus) but I dont think I can handle going on like this the rest of my life. He told me still loves me dearly but I just dont turn him on anymore. So what the hell do you do in a situation like that?:frowning:

run.

nah, kidding.

What you should probably do is worry about your self. Start doing things that make YOURSELF feel good about you. Once you feel good about you, Im sure he will too. But, I think he is an ass for saying that. He sounds JUST like some other ASSHOLE I know.

V hit it on the head!

when you do things that make you feel better, you’ll give off more positive vibes… confidence is sexy!

Take care of yourself on one hand and have a talk with your husband in another hand. I don’t think someone who loves you would say that you are ugly. He’s not doing you any good by putting you down. I wouldn’t take it if I were you. You need to make it clear to him that you won’t let him walk all over you.

I have been through a similar situation…honestly, I think that in a marriage, you OWE your significant other sex…it is part of your marital duty to them, and you don’t just stop fucking them because they gain some weight. We are adults, and that shit just happens to us…what did he think, you’d stay 20 and 120lbs forever?? I’d be pretty pissed. When I got up to about 220 I had trouble getting sex from my fiance, and he never told me that it was because of my weight because he knows I am pretty sensitive about it…but I kind of figured it out, especially when my sex life got much better after I dropped about 50lbs…It sucks, and it is a harsh one, but it is reality. Your husband should be the one person in the world to uplift you and make you feel better about yourself though…especially in your case where your weight gain is because of a medical condition, your husband needs to be there for you and realize that he is breaking your heart through his actions, maybe he would understand better if the tables were turned…it just isn’t fair.

He should be the one who supports in the hard time and make you feel better so you can be encouraged to take care of yourself and then go on to losing weight. It’s true that what he could feel how he feels but he could do better if he truly loves you and is a supportive husband.

basically, the mindset I had to take on when I started my weight loss was that I was doing this for ME. I knew I wasn’t attractive to him anymore, and in my mind I was getting skinny so I could love myself more, and so that maybe I would be more attractive to OTHER men…because I knew that if things didn’t change after I lost the weight I would most likely be back on the market. Maybe it wasn’t the right way to think about it or look at it but it worked for me. Matt did not support my weight loss at ALL when I started…he actually tried to sabotage me which made it harder, but in the end made me stronger. If you really want to change Amy hit me up and I can send you some really good links, there are other people with your condition that know what you are dealing with that can give you the support you need.

For the past week and a half, I have completely cut out all sodas and have been eating nothing but salads and yogurt. In the past week and a half, I have lost a whole whopping 2 lbs. I guess ya gotta start somewhere. I know that in the back of my mind, that by losing weight I would feel so much better to.
I guess I just didnt think that sex was all about how a person looked when your married especially. I thought it was all about love.

I really have no idea, since I’ve seen my wife for about 39 days in our 14 month marriage, but it seems to me that eventually something like this probably happens to everyone. You just gotta do something to get the spark back. But like I said, I really don’t know.

It just hurts my feelings more than anything that everytime Im at work he is looking at the damn porn. :frowning: I know I know, he could be cheating and Im very thankful that he’s not. But good golly, I need some lovin too!

Surprise him one night. All dressed up sexy and stuff. Then post some pics :slight_smile:

Amy maybe you could do something like go get your hair done totally different…get some really cute highlights and go buy some new makeup and perfume and just get super cute. That usually worked for me when I had that problem.

Check your math, we’ve been married 15 months.

I don’t have any ideas but just keep trying. Maybe something you do will change his mind.

:humm: Dammit, she’s right…I was too busy counting the days…Oops…

Thanks Amy, now I’m in the doghouse with your husband! Tell him to bring some beer…

[quote=“Mrs Behavin, post: 319578”]For the past week and a half, I have completely cut out all sodas and have been eating nothing but salads and yogurt. In the past week and a half, I have lost a whole whopping 2 lbs. I guess ya gotta start somewhere. I know that in the back of my mind, that by losing weight I would feel so much better to.
I guess I just didnt think that sex was all about how a person looked when your married especially. I thought it was all about love.[/quote]

Girl… That is what I thought too… But I guess guys are wired differently! But hell… Mine says he never even loved me.

[quote=“vshayes, post: 319572”]run.

[/quote]
True just joking what she said aftor

Sorry Amy, but he just sounds like a total asshole. I have no advice, but I’m disgusted by the way he treats you.

Vs is right, he sounds just like the asshole she was married to.

Sex in a relationship should be primarily about love. Everyone’s going to get old, wrinkly and unattractive eventually. How would he feel if the boot was on the other foot and you told him you didn’t want to have sex with him anymore because you found him unattractive? Hmmm… sorry but he sounds very selfish to me, maybe he would find you more attractive if you were feeling attractive which is the first key to being attractive? Putting you down like that is just, uncaring and wrong, I don’t care if he was being honest or not. Telling a white lie so you don’t hurt peoples feelings is the right thing to do sometimes. Telling you what he did has absolutely no good benifits!

peter i agree 100%. It’s actually funny because right when I met matt, I wasn’t extremely attracted to him…something just told me that I needed to talk to him, and he had an awesome personality so i did…when we first got together he would tell me things like “you are too hot for me” and stupid shit like that…it used to really get on my nerves. After the months went by I became very much more attracted to him, and even as we both gained weight, I really endeared little things about him like the patches of hair on his back or his chubby winnie-the-pooh-like tummy. I don’t think it is the same for a lot of men…they see our bodies change and they treat us like we are decomposing…i think the aging process can be beautiful if you let it, but it’s hard when two parts of one whole see things from a different perspective. Maybe you should write him another letter Amy…I think it is ridiculous that men need looks to get themselves off…we women are emotional creatures and I think above that.