I have a family member who is very needy. They always need some type of help all the time but when you need them they are no where to be found. They ask for money, co-signers…the whole nine yards it seems like. It is so crazy because they think it is okay because they are family. When is enough really enough when it comes to needy family members.
Enough is whenever you decide it’s enough I suppose.
My mother is presently in a situation like this. I was fortunate enough extricate myself from the mess by emmigrating to Japan, but my mom is stuck. Her sister, you see, only creeps in for financial assistance or booze money. The squalor my aunt lives in is her fault though. When my grandmom and mom try to help and be a family, my aunt disappears and won’t answer phone calls. My mom keeps asking me what to do, how to act in certain situations, but I honestly don’t know how to advise her. Even though I tell her that it’s okay to snap, to throw up her arms and say ‘eff this crap’, we remind each other that we’re dealing with family.
Eh…maybe I never really left that mess either haha. It’s definitely not simple to say when enough is enough. Only in time, I suppose.
Enough is when you know the money isn’t going towards a productive enterprise or getting them out of a tough spot. My family handled by aunt when she went off the deep end by having her move back in with my grandparents, but we have a pretty short time between generations in my family so I don’t know how well that would work for other people.
To me, enough is enough if I start to believe that a person I’m trying to help won’t learn to stand on his or her own feet if I keep bailing him/her out.
Well when you see that your aid is not being used productively or going to useless, or unnecessary, things, enough is enough. At a certain point you have to put your foot down and let them deal with it on their own. If you always help them, they will go on thinking that someone else will carry them along.