For a while now, I’ve had the same feeling towards children: I generally don’t mind them, so long as they’re not - and never will be - mine.
When I reveal my deep unwanted for children of my own, many people ask if I had a bad upbringing. The simple answer to that is no. I have enjoyed just about every minute of my childhood - I’d go so far as to say I’ve had an incredibly unique and beneficial childhood. So this is not the reason for me not wanting children.
The reason I don’t want children, is quite simply, because I’m too selfish.
For reasons unknown to me, I am highly narcissistic, self-centred, and independent. My ego is as big as Russia (that’s probably why I’m writing this in the first place), and my patience virtually non-existent. As I’ve grown up, I’ve cultivated these traits within me, and they’ll only keep growing.
“But what does this have to do with childbirth?”, quoth the clever ones.
Essentially, money takes precedence in my life. I absolutely love the stuff. It drives me forwards, I value it highly. I also highly value my time (though not as much as money). Because of this, I do everything I can to do what I want to do (one good reason I’m shite at relationships (sorry @Frankie))
If there is a universal truth about parenting, it is that sacrifices must be made. I could never do what parents do - giving up sleep, putting children to bed, running baths, changing diapers. My selfishness and value of time have led me to believe that the world is mine, and mine alone.
The Telegraph put the price of having a child from birth to 21 at just shy of £230,000. £230,000. I could go on a £10,000 holiday once a year for the same length of time, and have £20,000 left over to blow on a great night out. I know which I’d rather do.
And on a more selfish, and much darker (and probably more fucked up) note, I don’t think I could bare having a child that wasn’t perfect in every way. And the chances of that happening are very slim.
Sprinkle in the OCD I have, a child throwing its dinner up the wall would just drive me around the bend.
It’s also important to note that this doesn’t sadden me or anything like that - I’m certainly not looking for sympathy. Come to think of it I don’t really know why I’ve actually written this. I’ll blame narcissism for now.
Edit: Would also add I don’t find selfishness bad.